Francis Crowley, also known as "Two-Gun" Crowley was a dangerous criminal. There was an instance where Francis Crowley shot a police officer repeatedly for asking him for his licence. He not only shot the police officer with his own gun but took the gun off the police officer and emptied those bullets into his torso too. When the New York police surrounded his apartment, he opened fire on all the 150 officers and detectives. The end result? He was later sentenced to death by the electric chair [1].
But how do you think Crowley described himself? Well, in a letter that he wrote during the shootout, he said: "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one - one that would do nobody any harm" [2]. When he arrived in prison, do you think he said: "This is the punishment I deserve for killing innocent people"? No, Crowley actually said: "This is what I get for defending myself!"
Who do you think said, " I have spent the best years of my life giving people the lighter pleasures, helping them have a good time, and all I get is abuse, the existence of a hunted man"? That's right, it was Al Capone. How about the man who said, “An innocent man is going to be murdered tonight. When my innocence is proven, I hope Americans will realise the injustice of the death penalty as all other civilised countries have”. The man who said this was Roger Keith Coleman, who was convicted for murdering his sister-in-law [3]. Even when a crime has taken place in broad daylight with countless witnesses, Lionel Herrera, who was convicted for murdering two police officers said “I am innocent, innocent, innocent. Make no mistake about this. I owe society nothing. I am an innocent man and something very wrong is taking place tonight” [3].
So what is the point of all these examples? It is clear that criminals do not see the wrong in what they've done, but how does this relate to us? Fair questions both! 99% of the time, people will not criticise themselves for anything, no matter how wrong or foolish they have been. This, therefore, renders criticism futile and unhelpful. And if people who have committed heinous crimes do not see anything wrong in what they did, what are the chances that the people you and I come into daily contact with will?
Criticising will put people on the defensive and as their precious pride is usually hurt, they will attempt to justify themselves by any means necessary. As their sense of importance will be jolted, this will potentially build long-lasting resentment. And it does not pay to have people against you in an organisation.
"As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation." - Hans Selye
Criticism can demoralise employees, family and friends without correcting the root cause of the problem that was condemned in the first place. This is therefore a lose-lose situation that should be avoided at all costs. A key reason for this is because the critique will often have things they also lack which will be seen as a double standard, resulting in breaching an individual's personal boundary.
"Don't complain about the snow on your neighbours roof, when your own doorstep is unclean."
When dealing with people, it is imperative to remember that we are not dealing with creatures of logic, but rather creatures of emotions that are led by pride, vanity and prejudices. Any person can criticise and find faults in others, but it takes real self-control to understand, empathise, lead and forgive.
Exercise: When dealing with people, the aim is to earn feelings of goodwill.
Write down the times when you criticised, blamed or nitpicked, that resulted in worsening the situation.
Write down the times where you softened your stance, empathised with the other person, gave them encouragement and spurred them onto success?
Key takeaway: Do not criticise, denounce or complain about anything or anyone. Put yourself in their shoes and try understanding things from their perspective.
“God Himself, sir, does not propose to judge a man until his life is over. Why should you and I?” - Samuel Johnson
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