Amy Clark, a woman in her thirties who lives with her mother in West London shares her story of how she regained her freedom after suffering from amaxophobia – the fear of driving. To my surprise, this fear is quite common and negatively impacts peoples lives as the inability to drive may result in a loss of freedom. Especially during these times where, due to the coronavirus pandemic, public transport is avoided whenever possible. This is Amy's story in her own words.
I got married young, at the age of 23 and was excited to start life with the man I loved. We had met at university and I loved his passion and drive for life. However, after 2 years of marriage, the dynamics suddenly changed as soon he got into a drinking habit that was exacerbated by the pressures from work he was facing. As time went on, I started to feel unsafe at home and finally mustered up the courage to part ways. I was now 30 years of age, single, living with my mother with no real direction or plan.
As subsequent months followed, I started feeling self-conscious, depressed and anxious. I noticed I was jumpy – even the sight of birds flying was enough to make me shake in my boots. To my astonishment, I was also losing confidence in my driving, which made things difficult as I drove to work 5 days a week. As a result, I had to change jobs, not visit my friends who lived around London and stick to my local area. Although this was not a major problem at the start, a year later a nationwide lockdown in the UK was announced; I felt caged and housebound. I didn't want to use public transport in case I caught covid and passed it onto my mother who was over the age of 65. Even after the lockdown was eased, I refrained from using public transport and most of the time stayed indoors – I felt my mental health declining even more.
One afternoon, my mother managed to talk me into joining her on the weekly shopping run and for the first time in a year, I sat inside a vehicle. To add to my reluctance, it was dark, stormy and raining, which made my anxiety shoot up even more so than it would have. "What if the car slides on a layer of water, or we get pushed to the side by the wind?" I asked. "What if a car on the opposite side of the road doesn't see us and we have a head-on collision?", I added. "Well Ams", said my mother, "let's think about this logically. The roads all have a speed limit of 20 miles an hour now so the odds of us losing grip is highly unlikely. If we do get blown to the side, there's enough gap for the car to slide and still avoid touching the walls, especially as the curb will prevent us from getting blown onto the pavement. And above all, cars have seatbelts, crumple zones and airbags which protect you in most to all cases of an incident. Keeping in mind that this all holds true in the already unlikely event of an incident occurring to begin with. With car lights, street lights and it be during the day, it is nearly impossible to miss us, and any collision at 20 miles per hour will very rarely occur in a fatal injury. People slip as they walk down the street and end up with life-changing injuries so if it's your day, it's your day. There's nothing you or I can do about it but to live and enjoy every moment of it".
As soon as my mother said this it hit me. I never really sat down and honestly analysed exactly what I was worried about. It was clear that even if the worst shall befall me, especially in my local area travelling at 20 mph, there was enough safety equipment onboard to ensure my safety. As the worst-case scenario no longer seemed fatal, why should I fear it? Especially with the possibility of the worst-case scenario being remote to begin with.
During our grocery shop, I suggested we go home and make a small feast. We did, and it was the first time I had really enjoyed a meal in such a long time. It had been a while since I had a grounded view of the world and I made a vow to stop operating through emotions of fear, worry and anxiety, and think about everything logically. Therefore deciding if my fears and worries were justifiably true, or if my imagination was playing tricks on me yet again.
It's now nearing the end of summer 2021, and I am happy to say that I am once again a confident driver. Although I still have moments of fear, I follow the same process my mother taught me whenever I'm in a worrying situation. I'll share it below:
Write down what exactly I'm fearful of.
What's the worst that can realistically happen?
Play out the worst-case scenario realistically, and find ways of making things better.
What are the odds of this actually happening?
What are the reasons for the worst-case scenario not being as bad it seems? Here we are arguing for the opposite perspective.
Are your fears and worries justified enough to prevent you from living your fullest life? Keeping in mind, every time your fear or worry holds you back, it is another time you sabotaged yourself from taking another step towards cultivating a life true to yourself.
I have learnt that my worries and fears usually dissolve rapidly once I shine onto them the light of analysis and logic. I am now free to keep moving forward, one step at a time.
Well done Amy! You have not only eliminated your fears, but most importantly, you have discovered a way of analysing and eradicating your worries. This process can now be applied to any situation where you encounter fear, worry or anxiety. No matter what situation you now find yourself in, you will not allow it to enslave you and hold you hostage. You will continue to move forward, regardless of what obstacle you face and that is what life truly means.
Maybe we should all follow the same process Amy does whenever she encounters an unpleasant situation, I certainly do! And it keeps trivial worries, the mountains I make out of molehills at bay. The road to life is open, beautiful and made for you. Keep going!
"A bend in the road is not the end of the road … Unless you fail to make the turn." - Helen Keller
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